Fairfax County Police Fire starters...on sale now

"We've got your money to burn"

Fairfax County Police Fire starters are sure to work every time! And if they don't we'll.....naw, we're not gonna give you your money back, what are you nuts?....

each fire starter is carefully rollled by a Fairfax County Cop with nothing else to do....yeah, that's means the entire force......well, except for that police "woman" who has like those bear claw things instead of fingers, jesus chrsitmas why don't we get rid of her? She creeps me out...anyway, this sale of winter products goes on all summer because we're idiots....so call today!

                                1-800-fuckyouwecan'tgetfired

Hi, are you an eye doctor and thinking about killing yourself?

Well, by gosh don't do it!

Instead, move to Fairfax County and the Cops will kill you for free!

Collect on that life insurance and give a Fairfax County Cop that masturbatory fantasy he longs for! The one about shooting the swells, not the one about the school boy and the screw driver. 

Worried about messy investigations for insurance fraud? Well don't!

We're the police and we absolutely guarantee that we'll find ourselves innocent in the investigation and for no extra charge we'll darken your name and reputation so badly, the insurance companies are sure to pay off!   



Where do I sign up, you ask?

That's the beauty of Death by Fairfax County Cop....you don't sign up! You just move here, have one of those ethnic names and we'll kill you without signing anything! 

So call us today! Grown men who still have issues with their father's are standing by to take your call!  

Fairfax County Police Navy arrests fish for swimming upstream

The Fairfax Police Navy...we're not joking, they actually have a navy....arrested a dozen fish in the Potomac for swimming upstream in a down stream river.

"Why?" I asked police chief rorerer said at yet another fucking awards ceremony "We have a very good reason, that's why...but like its secret and I hope you report that we released all the fish...fishes...fish-i...that are still in school...get it?...school...anyway, we got almost $200,000,000 to spend in a bedroom community with a low crime rate due to high incomes...I got 1,500 people plus support staff with nothing to do inspect glove compartments and shoot gamblers who insist on being paid when they win....so like
either you people need to start making less money or we go after the deer next"

Idiots at work

A Kane County IL deputy is being investigated after allegedly pulling gun on a man who was in a car accident while off duty & threatening to shoot him in the head. [2] http://bit.ly/jhENHt

• Warrensburg IL cop took a plea deal where he will be sentenced to 10 years in prison on federal child porn charges and will face 10 more years in state prison on sexual assault charges involving a girl under the age of 12. [0] http://bit.ly/kXPdGV

• 2 Philadelphia PA cops sentenced to 10-15yrs in plea deal for robbery, kidnapping, oppression & possession w/intent to distribute. [0] http://bit.ly/kXbZIl

• West Deer PA police sued by 53yr-old woman claiming she was injured when cops burst thru her door in search for son even though she offered to let them in after she got her dog under control. [3] http://bit.ly/lk5KV0

• Fruitland Park FL settles suit for $75k to 60yr-old claiming cop arrested & injured him for beeping at him because his cruiser was blocking traffic. [0] http://bit.ly/ke4l5B

• Winnsboro SC cop investigated for alleged confrontation & harassment of a man who filed a complaint about damages to his car during a traffic stop when the officer busted his window when he wanted to search his car for drugs but failed to find any. [4] http://bit.ly/inqPqo

• Scranton PA cop charged w/oppression, assault, terroristic threats & other charges in an off-duty bar fight w/bouncer who refused to let him and his friends in while they were carrying alcohol and were too intoxicated. [0] http://bit.ly/jdbSuC

• Hartford CT sued by woman badly injured in crash w/car chased by cop who ignored orders to stop pursuit [0] http://bit.ly/mMmXif

• Peel ON regional police officers accused of fabricating evidence by judge who dismissed prostitution case [3] http://bit.ly/kopqpB

• East Washington PA settles suit for $9k to man claiming cuffs were too tight when he was arrested w/o cause [0] http://bit.ly/ldGwCi

• Pinelawn MO cop suspended while investigated for firing at car in chase despite allegedly knowing a baby was in the car. [0] http://bit.ly/lhdHGR

• 2 Norfolk VA cops on desk duty while subject of probe related to arrest of cop on pot & steroids dealing charges [0] http://bit.ly/kMMwWe

• Belle WV cop jailed for violating bond conditions by continuing to contact wife after DV no-contact order [0] http://bit.ly/j2mVkP

• High Springs FL cop fired for altering doctor’s excuse, filed suit alleging retaliation for whistleblowing [0] http://bit.ly/ltRJcA

• Waltham MA cop faces disciplinary action for helping council president with his landlord tenant dispute [1] http://bo.st/kkMt2r

• Bartlesville OK police & police union sued by female cop claiming sexual harassment & discrimination [2] http://bit.ly/mjCB28

• A Canton IL cop was charged with theft on allegations that he shoplifted some over-the-counter male enhancement pills from Walmart. [0] http://bit.ly/lRcXO7

First Bear Sightings in Fairfax County

On the Beltway, a claim of drunken sex at 85 mph

Among the latest allegations in the lawsuit pending in Fairfax County Circuit Court:

Paragraph 10. “At the time of the collision, Defendant was going 85 miles per hour.”

Paragraph 12. “At the time of the collision, Defendant was having sex with a female.”

Paragraph13. “At the time of the collision, Defendant was driving admittedly drunk.”

Paragraph 14. “At the time of the accident, Defendant was partially or totally in the backseat of the car.”

But what the Fairfax County Police want to know  is "Was he wearing a seatbelt?"

Idiots at work

Mt Vernon NY appeals $315k brutality judgment to cop against cop facing 2nd brutality suit involving 12yr-old [3] http://bit.ly/mrBNnM

• Williamsburg County SC deputy fired & arrested for beating detainee on video while he was being booked into jail [1] http://bit.ly/kfUCtd

• Refugio Co TX sheriff & 2 deputies sued by 2 women claiming they were strip searched at roadside traffic stop [3] http://bit.ly/lwXDCw

• Plattville CO cop charged w/assault of at-risk adult for shoving 60yr-old who asked him to turn off car at gas pump [0] http://bit.ly/kQtFXk

• Leon Valley TX cop resigns while under investigation for allegedly firing shots in neighborhood while drunk [0] http://bit.ly/jmCp8X

• Helotes TX cop suspended 1wk for failing to detain cop accused of firing rounds in neighborhood while drunk [0] http://bit.ly/jmCp8X

• Nassau Co NY cop arrested on multiple charges on allegations he forced woman to touch him sexually at traffic stop [0] http://bit.ly/iQpzm8

• Honolulu HI cop convicted of 2nd degree sexual assault for forcing a prostitute to have sex under threat of arrest [0] http://bit.ly/ir04g7

• Alorton IL police chief sentenced to 6mo home detention & probation after pleading to filing fraudulent tax returns [0] http://bit.ly/k77xhN

• Fort Collins CO deputy suspended after arrested on multiple charges including domestic violence & drunk driving [0] http://bit.ly/kpIIHM

• Pender Co NC sheriff’s capt suspended after arrested on solicting prostitution & crimes against nature charges [1] http://bit.ly/kkezPO

• Palm Beach Co FL sheriff’s lt charged w/official misconduct for fixing a public official’s daughter’s tickets [0] http://bit.ly/lgUIRD

• South Carolina state trooper fired after US DHS executes search warrant on his home in unspecified investigation [1] http://bit.ly/j2ZMI4

• US FBI, Pennsylvania state & Bellevue PA cops sued by family of 11 subjected to pre-dawn wrong door raid [0] http://bit.ly/kQeerN

• Nashville TN cop indicted on charges including money laundering in alleged cocaine distribution conspiracy [0] http://bit.ly/jagh3p

• Durham regional ON police officer arrested on drug possession & trafficking charges after internal investigation [1] http://bit.ly/jpvxWc

• Oxnard CA cop arrested for workers comp fraud after allegedly caught playing basketball while too disabled to work [0] http://bit.ly/kDlnWF

• 2 Mission TX cops under investigation after caught on video crossing into Mexico while chasing suspected car theif [0] http://bit.ly/ms4lzy

• Pennington County SD deputy pleads guilty to 6 counts possession, manufacture & distrubution of child pornography [0] http://bit.ly/jy9Rt3

• Phoenix AZ police sniper allegedly shoots wrong woman in face during stand off when female suspect ran into her home. While I was suspicious when I read the early accounts on this one, I’m questioning it more now that additional information is being released, it may get dropped from the database. [3] http://bit.ly/mABpyY