WHAT I DID AT WORK TODAY

I start each day the same way, I burn a couple of bucks from petty crash. When you got $250,000,000 to spend without question, you gotta do something with the money

To make sure I have a job next year, I give out awards for any fuck'n thing I can think of. You remember this guy, of course, I gave him the "What would I look like if I were taller" award and the other guy got the "What I'll look like a couple of years after I get pushed into forced retirement award"  Those yellow stripes on my uniform mean that I'm like a for real admiral in the navy. Pretty cool huh?

 At 10:30 I handed out the "You look great in glasses award" and gave that guy on the right a medal for wearing a suit that doesn't fit, you know, cause its a long day, you got to change things around

At noon, I made everybody come into the office and clap in rhythm cause like, sometimes I get lonely....see how happy are they are?  Especially the colored guy at the end, they like music those people .....

...so like, I go to him "Queers go huh" cept I whispered it and he goes, like "Huh?" and I did that like, twenty million times....it was so like way wicked cool    

This son of bitch wouldn't let go of the fuck'n award even though I told him he can't really have it, that it was just like....you know, like...make believe, I squeezed his hand really hard but all that did was make him tell me later on that he felt the same way about me and why does love have to be so hard..so I go like.......  

 

So around 2, every day, I give out the Nazi Haircut Award. Its a hair design for people who feel threatened all the time by everybody because they're father was mean to them when they were kids....we bank on child abuse as a means of future hires.

I don't know ...if I try to kiss him, I  could miss, he's tall....but you know, that's what I love about him so much....if I jump and pucker....I don't know........maybe not

Sometimes I go outside and make long speeches to the cars passing by and talk about my really cool big hat

These two are really guys! I met them down at this bar I go to on Florida Avenue in the District

Around 1:00 I force the off duty cops and their families to gather outside and listen to my speech about how I will one day rule the world and force everybody to drink cool aid. Like a lot of the time you know, I pretend there is stuff written on that easel thing...like charts and stuff and I point to it a lot and go "its written right here!"

I gave this broad an extra special award because she look like the witch from The Wizard of Oz. So, like I go to her , "Can you crack ice with that nose?" and she gets like all mad and stuff but I'll bet ya she could

Around 3:00 I ....well, you know ...

Around 4:00 I like to go into the hallway and talk to the little evil man who lives inside my head

I end the day by going out to dinner on the County's credit card and giving the head waiter an award for bring me a second helping, like, really fast and stuff  

idiots at work

Brought to you compliments of the Fairfax County Police…because if we keep writing the tag words Fairfax County Police, more people across the globe will know what  kind of brutal, idiots they really are.

Murder

Murfreesboro TN cop was fired but not charged for “inappropriately shooting a suspect” then lying about how it happened. The officer claims he shot the man during a struggle in self-defense but evidence and witnesses claim he shot the man from at least 100 feet away and in the back as he ran. [1] bit.ly/sM0bN4

Coral Springs FL cop was charged with vehicular homicide and DUI manslaughter over a crash that killed a young mother 3 months ago [0] bit.ly/rV1GdU

Beating unarmed citizens

10 Windsor ON cops are the subject of a lawsuit alleging one cop beat a doctor on video then the other officers conspired to cover it up. [3] bit.ly/usYMyr

2 Alameda Co CA sheriff’s detectives are accused of beating a businessman who demanded ID when they came and escorted one of his workers at the theater he owned. The detectives were there to interview the man who was the victim of a robbery but the owner says they refused to show ID and when he took pictures of them and their car they attacked and arrested him. The detectives say he obstructed them and that they showed ID. [2] bit.ly/v1HTdd

New York NY police are being sued by a woman claiming she was detained for 5 days and mistreated in custody by cops after she was shot and went to the hospital. She alleges that they were trying to force her into changing her story to say her friend shot her when he didn’t. [4] nydn.us/ttc048

Cops and women….a strange, strange relationship

Indiana State trooper was charged with felony sexual battery, official misconduct, and other charges after he was accused of groping a woman during a traffic stop. [0] bit.ly/uc0Znt

Montgomery WV problematic cop is being sued by a woman claiming he forced her to expose & shake her breasts during a traffic stop search. He’s also facing charges from his time as an officer elesewhere. [3] bit.ly/v0JTTO

RCMP staff sgt in Ottawa ON docked 10 days pay for viewing porn & performing web cam strip tease at headquarters [0] bit.ly/rE6QKp

Idiots on parade

McFarland CA mayor claims problematic cops deserve 2nd chances in an interview about 4 cops hired despite their bad records, including one who has had more than a couple second chances already. [3] bit.ly/tTszgK

Constitutional rights? Fuck you and your Constitutional

Los Angeles Co CA sheriff’s dpt sued by ACLU alleging illegal harassment of people for taking photographs in public [3] lat.ms/tW7ryG

We’d like to see more of this…in fact, give this idiot a raise

Ontario Provincial Police sgt investigated for allegedly tasering fellow cop & threatening others during dispute [1] bit.ly/tiE7gh

Common thief

San Juan Co UT now-former sheriff was charged with misuse of public funds after investigation by sheriff who replaced him [1] bit.ly/tFxVQH…because the people who pay those tickets have to work hard for the money, not all of us are cops

El Paso TX cop placed on admin leave after audit of overtime related to federal gang enforcement grants [1] bit.ly/vItEEJ

New York City, some info has been leaked out about pending charges against at least 16 NYPD officers in the previously reported ticket fixing scandal. This update isn’t in the feed yet because I want to wait for the official lists of charges and number of people charged before recording this one.We’re aware of the recent update on the NYPD ticket fixing scandal, waiting for the official count of cops charged bit.ly/vlLNIN

Preferential treatment

Tennessee Hwy Patrol trooper fired for preferential treatment of deputy he didn’t test or arrest for suspected DUI [0] bit.ly/u93cLi

Drugs/drunk

Denville NJ cop arrested on multiple charges for allegedly stealing narcotics from dept evidence room [0] dailyre.co/vfg0XQ

Memphis TN cop among 25 people indicted on federal meth and marijuana trafficking charges after 2yr probe [0] bit.ly/rCoWmY

Houton TX cop sentenced to probation & $500 fine for DUI crash into school bus, 7 cops disciplined for cover up [0] bit.ly/t5U4s4

Seattle WA police detective cited for DUI & released after rear ending car w/unmarked cruiser, unknown if on duty [2] http://bit.ly/sKmUEk

Repeat after me "It only works when a car drives by"