And now a word from our Chief

Firstly, let me say this; I don’t think me or anyone else should be sued for defecation and also firstly, although I do know who Captain Hopson, I have absolutely no idea who Major Crimes, although I have to say that a really really really bad name for a cop.  

I’m so fuck’n confused.

Now firstly, the way I understand this is that Captain Hopkins is suing me firstly for defecation and she’s also and she is suing some guy named Anonymous Accuser because he also defecated on her while they were both riding on the department's intranet.

Firstly, what has that got to do with me? Also, I checked and there is nobody on the police department named Anonymous Accuser….so there……but there is a guy named “Anonymous Source” who I guess works as  Narcotics officer  but lives in Cayman Islands at the Bank of Switzerland Apartments of something like that. We pay him $2,000,000 a year. I guess most of that is for commuting expenses. The guys in narcotics told me it was a secret.

I still don’t understand where Major Crimes comes in on this but Captain Hopalong wants to sue either him or this Anonymous Accuser guy because he accused Hopson of coaching a job candidate.

Firstly, let me say this about that, Captain Hop…something can coach, play or referee anyone as long as its on county time….no, wait, I go that backwards…..well anyway, its not my money…

Now Captain Hop thing there…… says that I retaliated against a female police captain….let me say this firstly….who is this new women in the mix and I never had sex with that woman…I mean…if she’s a female cop, so would you? Even I have standards, low ones, but still.  

And now, firstly, really screwing this up is Captain Hopkinsons lawyer, Glasberg, who asked "Does the sun rise in the east?"…this is not the time or the place for astrology questions, Goldberg.

would also like to take a moment firstly to address this writer Will Sommer…and that sounds like a porno name you ask me and I know cause like, I watch a lot of porno, but anyways…if you would stop writing about these things, people won’t read them and I wouldn’t have these problems…….look how about a nice ride in a cop car with a guy named Officer Friendly? That’s not his for for real name so its okay, he won’t like put his hand on your lap and ask about gladiators or nothing like that…well, I'm pretty sure he won't....also, first bloody car accident we get, we call you first……just like we do with the tv channels…so whatta say?